Love Is...

Have you found true love?

Do you know what true love is?

What does it look like?

How does it feel?

Where is it?

When I was a child I thought I knew all about love. I thought it was something that zapped you one day and it would last forever. I believed in fairy tale love. Where the beautiful girl or handsome boy would find their one true love and live happily ever after.

When I was a teen I thought I knew nothing about love. I had been through several losses. My Grandmother had passed and I had not been allowed to grieve and say goodbye. My parents did not love each other anymore. We moved more than once. I thought there was really no such thing as love. It was an elusive feeling that did not mean anything real.

When I was a young adult I thought I had rediscovered the love I knew as a child. I was swept off my feet by a young man. He wanted me. He loved me. He said this love was forever. It was not.

I discovered the love a mother has for her child. This child who grew inside of me was special. This is real love.

Then the child started to become her own person. She has a will of her own. She is a child and does not know how her words and actions affect others. She is self centered. 

I discovered love is a choice. I choose to love my child. I choose to love my husband. I choose to love others. I choose to love myself.

I now believe love is true only if from God. 

Can I love enough to give my own child?

I can give my own life much easier than that of my child...yet God gave His only child. I have four children and I do not think I could freely give up the life of any of them. 

God so Loved... He so loved us that he gave His only son so that we might be saved.

Do you get that? God so Loved.

What can we do to show the world God's love?

Should the love we have for people be different than the love the world has for people?

I see people who do not follow Christ show love for others. They help the needy. They have compassion for orphans.They donate money to the sick. They send children to college. The come together in times of tragedy. They stand against evil careful to name the evil and protect the innocent. The innocent who may have characteristics or belief systems of those who carry out evil..

How much more should we who profess love of Christ help the needy, show compassion for orphans, use our money for others? We are to take care of widows and orphans. This is a commandment. We are stewards of the things of earth. This is a gift from God. He trusts us with stuff. He desires that we show His love to people. All people. People who we know. People we don't know. People we like. People we don't like. People like us. People that are not like us. Big sinners, little sinners, outward sinners, inward secret sinners...humans. 

We need to show our love better. We need to guard our hearts against prejudices. We need to be a humble not a prideful people. 

How can we be more loving? How can we feel this kind of love for others? Is it even really possible?

It is possible. It can be real. It can be something you feel deep inside of your heart. 

It does not come naturally. It is not the "normal" for humanity. 

We can have love for people. It takes a little work for some and a lot of work for most. Once you have it you have to keep it. It is easy to lose. We are fragile. We are prideful. We get hurt by people and circumstances. 

There are some ways to develop a true and genuine love for people. 

1. Become more in love with Christ. Read the Word daily. The more you are in the Word of God the more you desire Him. The more you love God the more your heart will love people. Remember God so loved...

2. Develop empathy. Put yourself in another's position. Stop before making a judgement based on appearances. What do you see? Do you see someone who needs God? Do you feel compassion for their needs? Do you feel sorrow for the lost? Do you long for God to wait a little longer so more can come to know Him?

3. Allow Grace. Give the benefit of the doubt. I'm not saying let people harm you but cut others some slack. Let God convict. It's not my job to point out every flaw in another person. Most of us do that enough to ourselves. Example - I know I'm overweight, you don't need to tell me, I can look in the mirror. Love covers. Love forgives. 

Allow grace to flood your own mind and heart. You are loved. You do deserve love. You are favored by God. God so loved...

4. Pray. Pray that you will be a light to the world. Pray for your enemies. Pray for those who have harmed you. Pray for the lost. The more you pray for others the more you will come to love them.

5. Patience. A real genuine love for others will take time. You have a past of hurts and prejudices to overcome. You have to surrender these things before genuine love will be able to take root. Refer to number 3 - Grace. You may not wake up one day and feel love in your heart. It may be a gradual process, a daily step by step. 

6. Practice. Practice love. The more you put love into action the more it will become your default. 

Can you imagine this world if more Christians showed love? How many more would come to know Christ? How many lives would be touched? Think about the lives that would receive comfort in times of need or trouble. Let's reach the world. Let light shine in the darkness. Love really is the answer. We can all know true love.

The Struggle

So here I sit, filled with anxiety and feeling sick. 

People tell me to write a book. I feel that God has placed a desire to write a book about faith like a child. He gave me that title just yesterday during the sermon at church.

Who am I to write a book about faith?

I want to have faith.

I desire faith.

I have been told I have faith.

I think I have had faith.

Where did it go?

Why is it suddenly so hard?

My mind knows the Word of God. My heart loves the Word of God. My soul longs for the Word of God.

I know it is the enemy of my soul who is attacking.

He whispers "You don't really have enough faith. You never had any real faith. You are actually the cause of troubles. It is your own ego that thinks you have any faith. You are really just like me, wanting others to see you as good."

Leave me alone Satan. I am not listening to your lies. 

But Kat...you are the one who had faith that God would provide and your husband deceived you and others. It really is your fault. You MADE him do it. You put pressure on him with your unwavering faith. Where was God then? You are nothing. You do not deserve to be in God's family. Your denial of reality forces people to lie to you.

NO! I will not listen to untruth.

But Kat...you are the one who lies. You believed the lies others told you. You have not been wise. You repeated the lies you were told. You should have known. If you were one of God's people you would have known.

NO! NO! NO! Go away! You will not turn the Word of God against me.

I will use the Word of God to make you flee. I command you to leave in the name of Jesus Christ, the son of God. 

See...I'm still here. I don't have to leave because you don't really have any faith at all. Ha ha ha.

It's ok. I will always be here for YOU.

I know you will be hanging around. I know that you are like a roaring lion looking for prey. 

I refuse to be your dinner. I refuse to accept your lies. 

I am a child of God. 

You may cause trouble in this world but a day is coming that you will not be able to harass me ever again.

If I have the faith of a mustard seed that faith can move mountains. 

MOUNTAIN PLEASE MOVE!

I asked nicely.

I command you MOUNTAIN MOVE!

Ok. 

So the mountain doesn't appear to be moving.

What now?

God will make a way.

Ok God...make a way. I release it all to you.

Where is it?

Where is the path?

What are we going to do?

God will provide.

When?

Where is the provision?

Why are we struggling so?

See... I told you. You don't even have the faith of a mustard seed. And mustard seeds are very very small.

Just STOP IT.

I will be faithful.

I will praise you my God even in the struggle.

I will love you my God even when that mountain does not move.

I will sing to the Lord even when I can't see a way.

Heavenly Father. I love you and seek you.

Give me peace in the struggle.

Grow my faith. Help me strengthen my armor against the enemy of my soul.

Ok self...get to work. On your knees. In the Word. Keep loving others. Love yourself a little more.

Take one day at a time. 

Crickets

Peace

Toughen up Buttercup OR Be gentle

My feelings have been hurt. My motives were misjudged. When I apologized and tried to correct the wrong assumptions regarding my statement I was scolded like I was a child who just did not know any better.

Why does it hurt? Why do I even care? 

I know that what others think about me doesn't really matter. God knows my heart so it shouldn't matter what people think about me.

But it does matter. 

I profess to have a relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

I did think before I wrote. I did not choose sides or start an attack against the original plea for action. I was not criticizing anyone or any particular ideology. 

I do respect others opinions. I was not even asking for a change of opinion.

I was asking for truth. I was requesting that people look at and try to understand both sides of an issue before they act. 

There is so much conflict in this world. I am aware that there has always been and will always be conflict. My desire is that we as followers of Christ become peacemakers. You cannot make emotional decisions based on one side of an issue. You must be able to rationally look at both sides before you make a judgement.

There is so much propaganda everywhere. I do not want to be a part of the crowd that does not use critical reasoning skills. I refuse to rush to judgement especially when people are involved and may be hurt by even just one more person. These are the days of petitions and protests. There are usually two sides to any situation or problem. If we do not at least listen to the other side how can we fully support the side we think we are on?

This applies to so many.
Vaccinate or not
sign a petition or don't sign
politics - nothing more be said here
support a cause
protest a cause
watch or don't watch a movie or tv show
listen or don't listen to music by specific artists

I could give many more examples but I think you get the idea. We as a society seem to pick sides and attacking the other side is easier than defending or defining our own position.

I challenge you to choose with wisdom what side you are on. 

I challenge you to be able to support your side without attacking the other side.

If you need to use pros and cons do it without personally attacking people. Attack the issue if you must be do not vilify the people who disagree.

I challenge Christians to put grace and love ahead of yourselves and the need to be Right.

He has made me strong

Memories.

I do not have a very good memory. I have always had trouble remembering details but maybe I just don't really notice the details in the first place. I've come to realize I don't have a very good visual memory.

I usually have more of a global memory of the past. I remember feelings and smells. 

So it always amazes me when something triggers a memory of when I was a child. 

Sometimes it's a pleasant memory and I remember being free as a child. I can remember ice cream cones and donuts with my dad. I remember going to Woolworths in Pasadena with my Grandma. I remember threading the same grandma's needles after church on Sunday's at the rest home. 50 black and 50 white because her sight was failing but she could differentiate between light and dark thread. 

Often it's a mixed memory. I remember the extreme fear when a couple in a car stopped us on our way home. They said my mom had been in an accident and might die. That we were to get in the car with them and they would take us to her. I especially remember the loud "No! Don't get in that car" and the feeling of being grabbed by the back of my shirt while I grabbed my sister and being tossed away from the couple. Feet hit the sidewalk running. Ran home and there was my mom; upset because we were late. The next day two girls bodies were found in the foothills. I believe God sent an Angel to protect us.

I am more surprised when someone says or does something and a bad memory surfaces. Things I have pushed aside for years. It comes rushing back with all the emotions that accompanied the event the first time. 

I wonder if I don't have such a poor memory but have pushed aside so much that I just have vague memories of the past. 

I know that there is healing.

Maybe I wasn't strong enough before...

I am weak but He has made (is making) me strong.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I Won't Grow Up

I have learned the hard way that caring about others and being a nice person will only bring you pain. No one will ever truly care or love you the way you care or love. So what's the point of trying? 

I wonder if this is how God feels about us? If he can keep on loving us I can keep on. But I'm not God so I will have to try harder. However maybe the lesson is that I only show my"self" to those who want to know me and just keep quiet for everyone else.

I had preconceived ideas about family and friendships. I keep thinking that if I just keep turning the other cheek eventually they would see how much I truly care and love them. I thought that if I was more patient and kept myself from acting or speaking in anger or out of hurt that eventually they would know I care. I was thinking that if I acted and stated that I was fine I would be fine. I really used to believe that love covers a multitude...

Maybe I have finally grown up. I am done turning the other cheek. I will walk away for good.

I am done keeping quiet. I will tell you you have hurt me.

I am not just fine.

Love may cover a multitude of ... Fill in the blank. 

I will not stop caring but I will not be there anymore.

I will not stop loving but now you will have to ask.

I really wonder if this is what God feels all the time about us.

He is just waiting for us to come to him.

He loves and cares about us.

He turns the other cheek when we use His name in vain. Otherwise we would all be dead.

He is quiet...until we come to Him.

He is so incredibly patient. He longs for all to come to know Him.

He is holding back His righteous anger so that more may come to know Him.

He is the One who commands us to love one another.

Ok

My dear ones, my loved ones, my family, my friends...

I will continue to be me. I cannot change the way God made me. 

Yes I may be passive aggressive, slow to anger but when I blow I can really blow. But it's over quickly and I am truly sorry and do apologize.

I pray for God to give us more time. 

I pray for love to win.

I pray for you to see.

I pray that I never "grow up" and lose sight of what is true.

Where is the Love of Christ?

Putting my feet in the icy cold water.

I would like to speak to the Church. The people that are in the church.

Where is the Love of Christ in the people?
Why do the people need to hurt others in the name of Christ?
Is Your church growing?  or shrinking?  or staying the same?
Are you growing with new converts? and then losing them? or older members?
Do you ever wonder why the church is losing members?

Do you even care about your brothers and sisters in Christ?

I love The Church.
I feel very hurt by the people in the church.

I feel like the people in the church wish I would just go away.

I was married for 34 years.
I am not now.

I was very young when I married. I chose to commit to him. I chose to continue to love him through it all. I did not want divorce. I was willing to do anything to work through it all.

I was not given an option.
He left.

I am still the same person.
I would never come between a marriage.
I still will not compromise my body outside of marriage.
I still have the same morals and convictions.

The Scarlett letter at Church seems to be D not A.
He has been welcomed into a new congregation alongside his now wife.
They do not suffer the Scarlett letter A.
They receive forgiveness from the people in church.
They are accepted as participating members of the church.
Their past is ignored or forgotten but surely not mentioned.

The Church does not know what to do with me.
I am considered a failure.
I am considered a threat.
I have no place in the Church.

No one has asked.
No one has bothered to try to get to know me.

I am viewed with suspicion by wives as soon as they find out about the D.
I am not allowed to talk to husbands at all.
I am not allowed to interact with males at all unless I want to be the object of gossip.
I am not welcome to sing.
I am not welcome in small groups.

I have no place in the Church.

I am thankful that I have faith that God will take me through anything.
Jesus felt abandoned.
Jesus was viewed with suspicion by the pharisees.
Jesus was not welcomed.
Jesus was killed.

The people in the Church know how to interact with the unsaved.
They do not expect perfection in baby Christians.
They are willing to forgive Christians.

They do not seem to be able to deal with the injured Christians.
They HAVE to find fault in the injured Christian.
They NEED to assume the worst in single divorced women.

Oh, they can give out pity.
They can look that young single mom in the eye and say...
We will be there for you and your young children. We will give you aid.

But where are you?
She is not really wanted. She is not missed. Her children are not missed.
In fact, there is a sigh of relief that those wild kids aren't at church influencing the other kids.

Do you know that children without a father NEED good Christian males to interact?
Do you know that children of divorce are in pain?
Do you really care or do you think these children are a hopeless cause so why really bother?

The people in the Church can gossip by turning it into a prayer.
God Bless the single mom. We pray that she is strong and does not fall to sexual sin now that she is lonely. Oh protect our single men from the single mom.
God Bless the single woman who was married a long time. We pray her ex is able to recover from the harm she must have brought him during his long-suffering marriage to her. Protect our husbands from this viper.

Do you wonder why divorced women would choose to just stop coming?
Do you really even care?
It is much easier to allow them to leave.
Many of them will fall anyway so at least it won't be here.

Until the people in the Church choose to love each and every person who comes their way...
Until the people in the Church choose to take the risk to love...
Until the people in the Church step out of their own comfort zones...

People will continue to be hurt
People will continue to be lost
People will continue to become bitter
People will continue to lose hope

I am hurt.
I am Not Lost
I am Not Bitter
I still have Hope

I choose to love each person who comes into my life.
I choose to risk that they are not be perfect and may hurt me.
I choose to step out of my comfort zones.
I choose The Church of Christ.
I choose Christ.

I however do not choose to continue to allow people to hurt me.
I am an UN-churched Christian.
I am sad that this is how the Church treats those with the Scarlett single D.
I pray daily that people in the Church will wake up and see the pain that they cause others.
This is just one kind of pain they cause...I have sorrowed for years over the pain the people in the church have caused in others who have crossed my path.

When will it end?

Will it end with YOU?

Thanksgiving 2013

30 days of Thankfulness -  Day 1 I am thankful that even when the truth hurts it sets you free.

Day2- I am thankful for the beauty of the PNW. And to think that I can smell the salty Sound, or go on a hike in the forest or go play on a mountain any day.

Day 3 - I am thankful there are choices in which to worship. Of course the search for the right one is not always fun...

Day 4 - I am thankful for the age 3 and that it is only temporary.

Day 5 - I am thankful for family that loves me and does not kick me out of the family when most other families would.

Day 6 - I am thankful for Floyd Strater. He was a very good pastor who remembered my name out of context two weeks after meeting him. I can't tell you what an impression that made on a 23 year old woman with very low expectations. I know I will see him again and he will probably still know my name.

Day 7 - Thankful for phones and internet that make keeping in touch across the miles so easy.

Day 8 - I am thankful for peace that is not understood but deeply felt.

Day 9 - I am thankful that I have half my life to live still (God willing) and can dream and reach those dreams.

Day 10 - I am thankful for the joys and blessings being Mimi brings.

Day 11
Today I am thankful for literacy. It's more than phonics.

Day 12 - thankful for chocolate chip cookies...well any kind of cookies...ok chocolate too.

Day 13 - I am thankful for the friendships I have with my daughters. I love seeing how they have grown into beautiful adults and am grateful to be such a part of their grown up lives.

Day 14 - thankful for sleep

Day 15 - I am thankful for shelter from the storms both literally and figuratively.

Day 16

I am thankful I am blessed with parents who love me and still tell encourage me when I need it.

Day 17 - I am thankful for hot tea. There are so many different kinds that each day can be a new adventure. However it's nice to start the day with one of a few favorites.

Day 18 - Thankful for the holidays. I love the music, sappy movies and smells of Christmas and Thanksgiving!

Day 19 - thankful for all my FB friends...today they have reminded me that
1 - God has a plan
2 - He is there regardless of my feelings
3 - He is concerned about my smallest needs

Thank you FB people...

Days 20, 21 and 22
Thanks when I cannot think of anything because He carries me through...

Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks to the Holy One...

And now let the weak say I am strong
Let the poor say I am rich
Because of what The Lord has done for us...

Day 23 - it's the little things that bring joy...oatmeal cookies, meatballs with cheese and fresh garlic, texting, that blade of grass popping up in unexpected places...I am thankful I can stop and experience the little things.

Day 24 - thankful for friendships that stand the test of time.

Day 25 - Give thanks to The Lord for he is good, His mercy endures forever.

Day 26 - thankful that today is the 26th...I am so overwhelmed with numbers here in the PNW. They don't have names for most of the streets, just numbers and more than one street gets the same number. Sometimes the streets are parallel and next to each other.

Day 27 - I am thankful not only for what God has done and still will do but for who He Is...

Day 28 - I am thankful for the heritage that is passed down from generation to generation. I am also grateful to discover more and more rich heritage through researching our family tree.

Day 29 - I am thankful for change...I do like variety so change can be good.