Root of Bitterness

Where did that come from?

I'm not bitter. Am I?

I know all about not allowing the root of bitterness to take root in my life. Really, I do!

So how did this happen?

How did I miss the signs?

Well I've poured hot salt water on that root and am now digging it out! I'm not going to allow some bitter woman in my house. She isn't coming back! No way!

It's really hard to admit sin in my own life and heart. I know that I am a sinner and very much like Paul. I try to do the right things yet find the old ways coming back...

This was a new one. I thought I had forgiven those who have hurt me and shown no remorse or taken any responsibility for their actions. I knew that I was struggling with forgiving but really thought I was on the path with God's help.

I think I may need some help with boundaries. I can't keep letting the same people continue to hurt me and beat me up emotionally over and over again. I can forgive but if there is no change on the other side then I need to let go and move on. Each time I allow the same person to hurt me that root dug in deeper. I tried to forgive but I allowed them to cross the line again and again and hurt me. I now realize that I need to stop them. They do not have the right to continue to do the same thing over and over to me. I have to learn when to just let them go...possibly out of my life.

This is the way I can finally forgive them...and no more bitter roots will be springing up when I'm not looking.

I now have to apologize to those whom my bitter attitude spilled out.

I'll let you know how that goes later...

Lonely

I feel so alone almost all of the time lately.

I guess it's because my nest is emptying. Today Bea moved into the Dorms at CBU. Amanda is at work. Julie of course has her own family now. Chuck is out working.

Today was a hard day for a mom. I wish someone understood. I am not sad because my little bird is flying the nest. I spent years in prayer and tending so my birdies would fly the nest and fly well. I am proud of my birdies. They are doing well.

I think it's just change. I don't know quite what I am supposed to be doing now. I thought life would just continue on in the direction it was going. It is great to be a grandmother. I thought my role was to continue to be a wife (almost at the 30 year mark), and add grand-mothering into the mix.

I guess that is just not to be the way it is...

I hope I can make it through the changes ahead. I am not happy about them. I am actually very angry that I am expected to make some of the changes ahead. It's not fair. I did what I was supposed to do. I keep doing what I am supposed to do. I don't like that my life is not valued the same as others. I don't think it is fair that I did and do what is asked of me and it is thrown aside as not of value.

I know God loves me still. I know I need to be able to set aside my desire for approval from any person and only desire God's approval. It's hard. I struggle with my human nature daily. I will continue on and stay the course God sets before me. I will continue to do what is right. I will continue to love my family through anything that comes this way...

Brokenhearted

Have you ever been hurt so badly that you think you actually feel your heart ripping apart?

I pray that never happens to you.

Be assured that if it does happen you are not alone. God promises to heal the brokenhearted. He will bind your wounds and restore you. God is always with you and he is even ahead of you preparing the way. He knows what you are feeling. Jesus was so brokenhearted in the Garden that he sweat blood.