Saturday, August 29, 2015

I Won't Grow Up

I have learned the hard way that caring about others and being a nice person will only bring you pain. No one will ever truly care or love you the way you care or love. So what's the point of trying? 
I wonder if this is how God feels about us? If he can keep on loving us I can keep on. But I'm not God so I will have to try harder. However maybe the lesson is that I only show my"self" to those who want to know me and just keep quiet for everyone else.

I had preconceived ideas about family and friendships. I keep thinking that if I just keep turning the other cheek eventually they would see how much I truly care and love them. I thought that if I was more patient and kept myself from acting or speaking in anger or out of hurt that eventually they would know I care. I was thinking that if I acted and stated that I was fine I would be fine. I really used to believe that love covers a multitude...

Maybe I have finally grown up. I am done turning the other cheek. I will walk away for good.
I am done keeping quiet. I will tell you you have hurt me.
I am not just fine.
Love may cover a multitude of ... Fill in the blank. 

I will not stop caring but I will not be there anymore.
I will not stop loving but now you will have to ask.

I really wonder if this is what God feels all the time about us.
He is just waiting for us to come to him.
He loves and cares about us.
He turns the other cheek when we use His name in vain. Otherwise we would all be dead.
He is quiet...until we come to Him.
He is so incredibly patient. He longs for all to come to know Him.
He is holding back His righteous anger so that more may come to know Him.
He is the One who commands us to love one another.

Ok
My dear ones, my loved ones, my family, my friends...
I will continue to be me. I cannot change the way God made me. 
Yes I may be passive aggressive, slow to anger but when I blow I can really blow. But it's over quickly and I am truly sorry and do apologize.

I pray for God to give us more time. 
I pray for love to win.
I pray for you to see.
I pray that I never "grow up" and lose sight of what is true.

Privilege

Note I wrote this years ago but am only now brave enough to post it. I have taken time to examine my own attitudes and to listen to people o...