Lonely

I feel so alone almost all of the time lately.

I guess it's because my nest is emptying. Today Bea moved into the Dorms at CBU. Amanda is at work. Julie of course has her own family now. Chuck is out working.

Today was a hard day for a mom. I wish someone understood. I am not sad because my little bird is flying the nest. I spent years in prayer and tending so my birdies would fly the nest and fly well. I am proud of my birdies. They are doing well.

I think it's just change. I don't know quite what I am supposed to be doing now. I thought life would just continue on in the direction it was going. It is great to be a grandmother. I thought my role was to continue to be a wife (almost at the 30 year mark), and add grand-mothering into the mix.

I guess that is just not to be the way it is...

I hope I can make it through the changes ahead. I am not happy about them. I am actually very angry that I am expected to make some of the changes ahead. It's not fair. I did what I was supposed to do. I keep doing what I am supposed to do. I don't like that my life is not valued the same as others. I don't think it is fair that I did and do what is asked of me and it is thrown aside as not of value.

I know God loves me still. I know I need to be able to set aside my desire for approval from any person and only desire God's approval. It's hard. I struggle with my human nature daily. I will continue on and stay the course God sets before me. I will continue to do what is right. I will continue to love my family through anything that comes this way...