The Irresistible Wife

The sermon this week was The Irresistible Wife.

I figured I should really pay attention to this one as I obviously was Not Irresistible.

First point - Mother Second, Wife First

God is a God of order. He set an order to His creation. He made Adam first and the first relationship was between Adam and God. He then made Eve out of Adam. The second relationship was between Adam and Eve, husband and wife. Then the children came. We are to be a wife to our husbands first. Children should be second to our husbands. Children grow up and leave to have families of their own. When that happens what kind of relationship will we have as a couple if we have not put that relationship first throughout the children years?

How do I think I did?
I will admit that it is a tendency to put the children first. They start out totally helpless. They need guidance. They are cute.

I do think I put my husband first. While our lifestyle was homeschooling/attachment parenting, we did leave our children regularly with others so we could be just together. Just the two of us out and about.

Sometimes it was a struggle to not just talk about the kids when we were out. I usually caught myself if that was happening. I would ask about work. I would ask how he was doing. I would ask about his friends.

Second point - Respectful
I believe that I have respected my husband throughout our marriage.
Some of the examples Pastor shared did make me stop and think. Was I always respectful? Did my tone of voice show respect?
I can honestly say that the skit was not anything like our marriage.
I did ask my daughters if they thought I showed respect for their father. They all quickly responded YES. It was something they noticed. They said they never could understand how I could respect him even when he was wrong. They said I did not receive much respect back, but I did not demand or even require it.

How do I think I did?
I know that I respected my husband. I believed him at his word. I backed him up. I did not correct him in public or in front of the kids. I hope he knew that I respected him.

Third point - Submissive

I agree that being a submissive wife is part of God's plan for order. Submit is to arrange under.

How do I think I did?
Yes I was submissive in that I arranged myself under the authority of my husband. We did have disagreements in our marriage in the later years. I still submitted to his final decisions if we did not fully agree. I was not a doormat. We talked things through. We prayed about big decisions.
I know that some people important to me felt that I should have questioned him more. I had prayed about this and felt that silence and acceptance was the best choice for me. Looking back I would not change anything in this area of submission to my husband.


Fourth point - Willing Love maker

My body was his and his mine. We did not deprive one another. I think we did have a few dry spells but I think they were mutual. They were mostly periods of exhaustion for both or one or the other of us. I planned and initiated as much as he.

This is an area that I did not think we had a problem. I actually thought everything was going to be fine because behind the bedroom door was fine.

Fifth point - Inward and Outward Beauty

Of course this is a very difficult one to self evaluate. I tend to see the ugly parts. So again I asked my daughters. They said they think I am a peaceful and kind person. I will accept their viewpoint. I know that I have struggled with some minor depression here and there. I also know that I have struggled with anger and discontent. I do not wear a lot of makeup but my husband has told me he likes the clean face look. I did not shop for clothes or shoes very often but my clothes are clean and in good repair.

Sixth point - Fun

Pastor talked about doing things together. He said having some common interests was very vital to a good marriage. Wives are not his mother or holy spirit.

How do I think I did?

We had weekly dates during most of our marriage. We would go to the movies, or just dinner. We mostly would just go somewhere and chat. The beach was our favorite place. When the girls were older we would take advantage of youth group nights to go sit at the beach or just drive around.

I watched all sports with him. My brother played baseball and football so I had a basic understanding of both games. Basketball was a little harder for me but he was not a big basketball fan. We shared a love of music and worship ministry. I would sometimes just go with him to preview houses so we could just be together. We laughed and had our inside jokes and songs.

Seventh point - Encourager

I see this as a weakness in me. However many friends and family have told me that I am a great encouragement. My husband has said I have encouraged him to reach for his dreams. I was willing to step back and take care of the home and be frugal so he could be self employed. He was not happy working a regular 9-5 job. I thought I was encouraging when he wanted to lose weight. He said I was upset that I couldn't seem to lose as quickly and he took it as not encouraging him. If only I had known that at the time. I was annoyed for me but always glad for him.


I am not sure exactly where I went wrong in my marriage. Pastor made several comments regarding men who look outside of the marriage for emotional validation. I still do not know what I could have done different. My husband has said that I didn't do anything wrong. He said there was nothing I could have done differently that would have changed anything. I hope he is right.

If  I was getting a do-over

I would probably not take him for granted. I never thought I needed to be concerned that he would leave. I so fully loved and trusted him that even though deep down I thought I was not worthy to be loved I thought he would always be there. I had deep insecurities about myself but not him. If I could go back in time I would be stronger and more sure of my own worth. I still would give him my love and trust. I just can't imagine being in a marriage without trust.

I would be more careful about my own appearance. I would get rid of stuff more often and would not let him see if it was hard for me.

I would definitely make sure I knew more about our finances. I would still have allowed him to run the finances if he wanted but I would insist on knowing. I am a capable woman financially and now I  have to fix my own credit because of me not knowing what was going on financially in my own marriage. I am not sure how this could have been done better without finances becoming a huge disagreement but I sure as heck would find a way.

I would be bolder. I am by nature a peace maker and sometimes put peace above absolute truth from others in my life. I have serious difficulty discerning lies from those I love. I can spot it in strangers and acquaintances but not those close to me. I always give the benefit of the doubt. Unless I knew for sure it was a lie I believed it. This is true with all of my close relationships so this is one I can work on. I just don't want to become suspicious of everyone and everything. I have been reading up on body language clues and speech clues in liars and its starting to help me with certain 2 and 5 year old. That's a start at least.

I would hug in public. I would say more affirming things. I probably would not share my pain because in the last years of my marriage it made him angry with me. I would probably not tell him about things I was thinking or my dreams. I would keep a part of me walled away. I think I relied on him too much. I told him everything, I mean everything. What happened, where I was, what I was thinking, what I was feeling, Everything.

But there are no do-overs in life. So...

I will heal.
I will live.
I will love my God with all my heart, soul and mind.
I will worship.
I will laugh.
I will love.
I will trust.
I will still be me. (and probably still share way more than you want to know)